Two days of feeling good and I'm back into it - into feeling bad, the pressures on again.
Marion's undertaking the Big One. This is huge for us both. She's been feeding the birds meat for years, the magpies being her beloved favourites. We've known it's wrong to do, but it's been a compulsion for us both - and especially for her. And she has worked on it and worked on it over the years, so many bad feelings all tied up in it. All to do with her self-loathing and having to be a servant - now to the birds, just as her parents made her be to them.
We've both worked through our yuk over the years to this point of being left with our deep compulsions, this being Marion's biggest, and we've wondered how are we going to heal them, when we know we can't change ourselves, we can't stop doing them, they having too much power and control over us.
The Mother and Father have told me they will go, as will everything if we keep going: keep honouring, expressing and longing for the truth of our feelings. So we've kept going. Marion has been relentless in her determination to keep speaking about how bad she feels, and now, today, she's decided she can stop feeding the birds. So she's literally sweating it out, and we're both expressing all we feel and longing for the truth, and it's coming and she's determined to follow through - No More Meat!
And as she's known it's an affectation and affliction of hers based on her deep feeling of feeling so unloved, so to be able to give it up… This will be a major turning point for her - for us both. And it's so hard, yet also so exciting, to see if we really can actually heal our root causes of such compulsive addictions. And if we can, then l'll know anything is possible with our healing. And really we have to be able to heal them, but all when the time is right, all so we can finally set ourselves free.
Marion's undertaking the Big One. This is huge for us both. She's been feeding the birds meat for years, the magpies being her beloved favourites. We've known it's wrong to do, but it's been a compulsion for us both - and especially for her. And she has worked on it and worked on it over the years, so many bad feelings all tied up in it. All to do with her self-loathing and having to be a servant - now to the birds, just as her parents made her be to them.
We've both worked through our yuk over the years to this point of being left with our deep compulsions, this being Marion's biggest, and we've wondered how are we going to heal them, when we know we can't change ourselves, we can't stop doing them, they having too much power and control over us.
The Mother and Father have told me they will go, as will everything if we keep going: keep honouring, expressing and longing for the truth of our feelings. So we've kept going. Marion has been relentless in her determination to keep speaking about how bad she feels, and now, today, she's decided she can stop feeding the birds. So she's literally sweating it out, and we're both expressing all we feel and longing for the truth, and it's coming and she's determined to follow through - No More Meat!
And as she's known it's an affectation and affliction of hers based on her deep feeling of feeling so unloved, so to be able to give it up… This will be a major turning point for her - for us both. And it's so hard, yet also so exciting, to see if we really can actually heal our root causes of such compulsive addictions. And if we can, then l'll know anything is possible with our healing. And really we have to be able to heal them, but all when the time is right, all so we can finally set ourselves free.