Money came easily to Paul. The family business gave him security and the challenges he needed to satisfy his career ambitions. He enjoyed his daily work, however he was pleased now to be having time off. Sitting on the wooden veranda of a rented beach-hut, he stretched out his arm accepting the offer of another cool refreshing bottle of the local brew.
Paul, Mark, William and John were mates. Together they had traversed the depth and breadth of youthful experience, and their friendship had grown to become more like that of brothers than just friends. It had been a year since they had all been able to coordinate their lives to give them this time away, and they were very happy to be spending time together once again.
Taking an exaggerated mouthful of the cool ale – Paul loved the way the bitter taste overwhelmed his senses – he swallowed, unconsciously wincing to demonstrate his manhood by being able to put away such a rugged beer with ease. The coolness of the chilled bottle and amber liquid felt very refreshing. He took another mouthful, and for a brief moment contentment seemed almost within reach.
This holiday was one he’d been really looking forward to, it being a chance to relax and re-focus his thoughts on life. He turned to look at his friends who were chatting and laughing about old memories. He loved them all very much. Inseparable in their youth, they had all gone through school and university together. However, as their lives evolved, distance and change had begun to pry their closeness apart. Relationships, new families, and careers had them in their grip. That was life though, and they were all happy, still full of ambition and with a sense of excitement for the future. This natural disbanding of the group had been easily accepted by each of them, so being together now was special and held for them a new sense of appreciation.
The tropical island atoll was their favourite retreat. Numerous times had they begun and ended holidays in this very same isolated beach bungalow. It was off-season, and except for a small number of honeymoon couples, they were quite alone. The sun shone and sparkled on the lagoon below. The sand was pure white, the sky clear blue. The tropical thunderstorms that had threatened over the past few days had not amounted to anything, so everything was wonderfully peaceful.
The beauty of this location always held a special place in Paul’s heart, and with the days warm and the nights mild, and the local islanders servicing their humble needs for food and drink, the times of excess and obliteration were long gone. There was no need for them any more. It was now for them all a place of peace, quiet and relaxation. An island for a few leisurely weeks of no responsibility to unwind on. It was almost: paradise.
Re-positioning his feet on the wooden rail he pressed back into his chair and looked out to sea. The coral break kept the large ocean waves away from the lagoon, and having had their force broken, they gently lapped up on the pristine beach.
Their stay was drawing to a close.
Once again they had discussed their dream of staying on the island forever, but each knew that in reality, boredom would soon set in if they stayed too long on this tropical paradise. The peace was wonderful, a welcome punctuation in the drive to push on in life, but they all enjoyed the hustle and bustle of modern city living. It was, in many ways, fulfilling.
Paul allowed his thoughts to wander in the silence. His friends seemed to unconsciously know that this was time for himself and not to interrupt. He closed his eyes opening his senses to the surrounding environment. Gradually his thoughts turned inwards. And there it was. It always seemed to be near. Mostly in his busy life he ignored it, but occasionally in a moments peace, there it was. These weeks on the island had seemed to bring it closer to him or had he come closer to it? What was this inner call he felt that brought a slight unease to his otherwise feeling of contentment? It was a strange feeling, as if, cocooned in the heart of his peace, lived a restlessness, almost an anxiousness, like there was something outstanding, something that needed to be done which he’d forgotten to attend to. Occasionally it seemed to well up strongly within him threatening to break out. It was as though a part of him wanted him to do something but gave no clue as to what it might be. Neither did it give him any insight into its origin or a direction he might take. It was almost like an eerie foreboding, something looming on the horizon, something that was drawing him closer to it, and yet he never seemed to get nearer. Sometimes it was annoying and he pushed it away, but today, feeling good about everything, he accepted it; drifted with it, and wondered if it could possibly lead him somewhere?
He opened his mind further to it, trying to immerse himself in it, to make it seem more real or at least bring it closer to him – bring it up within him. What was it trying to tell him? He tried hard but it slipped away, it seemed to drift off out of reach. He took a deep breath, opened his eyes and drank thirstily from his bottle. He breathed deeply again and decided to give it another go. He felt a twinge of anger rising within him; he really wanted to get to the bottom of it, to find out what it was all about. He calmed himself and for the second time turned his senses inwards scanning for the feeling. He began again by thinking and reminiscing to himself about it. Suddenly he was surprised at how familiar the feeling was now that he was applying himself to feel it. He saw clearly how it had been with him for a long time, it having come and gone with varying intensity over the years. He mused to himself how it had always seemed to be back there – somewhere – but only now, after so many years of living with it, was he beginning to really want to know what it was all about. He could see how he’d allowed, even wanted, relationships and work to block it out, but such things weren’t there now and it was returning stronger than usual. And he remembered that periodically during the past he had wanted to spend more time trying to locate it with clarity within himself. He had hoped that perhaps during this holiday, away from the activities of his daily life, and in the peace and solitude some light might be shed upon this inner yearning. Occasionally in the past he had tried harder to put his finger on it, yet it had only continued to elude him. Taking another deep breath he tried to look even deeper into himself and was suddenly confronted with a definite and very strong sense of foreboding together with sharp feelings of loneliness. The hairs on his arms and the back of his neck raised themselves and he felt like a cold breeze had suddenly swept through him. And in that moment, struggling with the shock of the intensity of his feelings, he sensed that a mysterious and ominous question lay even deeper inside him, one that longed to be revealed, so it could be answered.
The onshore breeze cooled his face. Coming to his physical senses he used the effect of it to bring his attention back. Focusing back on the present while raising the bottle towards his lips, his mind for a fleeting moment took hold of the breeze and he imagined it was going to carry him away to a place; a place where an explanation of his inner longing and unrest could be found.
The afternoon moved peacefully on. The breeze had strengthened; the signal Paul had been waiting for. The others declining his invitation in favour of a few more beers, watched as he walked along the beach to enjoy his daily exercise. Everything was ready. He greeted Saul the aged boatman and smiled at the ever willing-to-help young boys. Having paid Saul, he attached his home-made tiller extension rod, put on the well-worn buoyancy vest – more out of formality than for its life saving ability – clipped on the trapeze harness, and then together they all pushed the old Hobie catamaran into the delicious blue water of the lagoon. The weathered old craft's, sun-bleached apricot coloured banana shaped hulls, floated high on the water. The boys pushed the rudders into place as Saul waded out holding the boat into the wind while Paul quickly and dextrously hopped aboard onto the trampoline and made ready. Speaking his customary, ‘Good sailing’, Saul pushed hard and waved him off.
Paul pulled in the mainsail and jib sheets enough to catch the wind and start moving in the direction he wanted while he hooked himself into the trapeze rig. He had considered not using the jib at all, as the wind was easily strong enough to give him a good sail, but he liked to push the old tub as fast as she’d go. Now he was ready. He pulled in hard on the mainsail sheet and set it in its cleat and then hard on the jib sheet, and setting it, braced himself against the force of the wind as it caught the sails. With a very quick burst of acceleration he was away! God, that sudden take off was always such a buzz! He truly loved this old yacht, tough and resilient as it was to the eroding effects of the sea, it had served him well. He angled harder up into the stiffening wind, pulled even harder on the mainsail sheet, causing the yacht to bite into the water and increase its speed effortlessly lifting the windward hull up and out of the water. Now for his second buzz. He pushed out with his legs on the rising hull, stretching himself out over the sea hanging by the trapeze wire. This was one of his favourite sensations. He loved leaning out, suspended above the water with his feet lightly balanced on the airborne hull, the yacht racing along, his body-weight counter-balancing the force of the wind. He felt so free.
Countless times over the years Paul had sailed this little vessel. He knew it intimately. He had spent many hours on it alone and at full stretch. Usually it required a passenger to get the best out of it, however he singly enjoyed the skill of challenging the elements. Everything seemed perfect, as the bottom hull slashed through the small lagoon waves. He was well in control and steered toward the far reef, which was a good ten-minute run.
As he relaxed, settling into his chosen course, he looked back over his shoulder toward the beach where the others were watching him from the shade of the bungalow. They acknowledged his look raising their bottles giving him their cheers of encouragement. He smiled, then returned his focus to the task at hand, enjoying his full weight being carried by the partially rusted wire. He wondered, yet again, how long it would be good for taking the strain, but decided it didn’t really matter. If it broke he would only fall into the warmth of the tropical water below, which, as he well knew, would be refreshing and certainly not dangerous. Numerous times before he had been caught by a strong gust, been slow to react, ending up head first in the water as the ‘cat’ nose-dived. Today, however, he felt confident, his skills having been toned to perfection over the past two weeks. He sailed on, his thoughts turning inward again, another perfect opportunity to contemplate his life.
Thoughts of his girlfriend came into his mind. He had known Sasha for quite some time, and although their intimacy had only recently developed, his heart was filled with love for her. He thought about how he felt very relaxed and comfortable with her, and in no rush; no rush to drive the relationship in any particular direction, which was definitely a new experience for him. It was definitely a very different type of relationship. Out here enjoying the freedom of the lagoon he seemed to feel even closer to her: somehow bonded. His heart felt it could open as large as the whole world for her. He wanted to live his life with her. He looked forward to getting to know her better. There was plenty of time. He felt they had a special connection, it was very exciting and the future held great promise.
Initially they had known each other from a distance as family friends, but life had moved them closer together. He was missing her, and he could see her laughing in his mind’s eye. The holiday had been planned well before their intimate relationship had begun to develop and he’d had no wish to cancel his plans, but still a part of him had not wanted to leave. This time with his friends had been very enjoyable, but he now longed to be back with her. His heart ached with anticipation at the thought of seeing her at the airport. Thinking of the sweet moment of reunion he let his love wander out over the sea to her. Like a message in a bottle travelling over great distances in no time, he wondered if she could feel his love coming to her.
The romantic thoughts of new love were empowered by the beauty of the tropics. The mix of lush greens and sea blues appealed to Paul’s sense of beauty and passion. He thought he would one day bring Sasha to the island. He thought again of living the rest of his life with her. It all seemed easy, as if it was, strangely, meant to be. Of course he had been swept away by new romance and passion before, only to see reality weeks or months later, yet he seemed quietly confident about Sasha. For the first time in a relationship he’d even contemplated having children... But enough of that. He stopped his vision as his inner unrest and longing returned. Back again. Was it ever going to be resolved? Was he ever going to know what it truly meant? ‘What is it?’ he yelled out in his mind over the sea. ‘Why are you always there, lurking in the background, unseen and waiting to unbalance me? What do you want? What are you?’ And now, worst of all, it felt like it needed to be dealt with before the rest of his wonderful life with Sasha could begin in earnest. What really is it? He wondered again. He had hoped that resolution would have come by the end of his holiday. ‘What on earth is it?’ he said, muttering the words to the wind, ‘What do I have to do...?’
The sea was choppier closer to the reef. Sea spray periodically splashed up almost high enough to reach him. Tropical sailing was friendlier to the sensitivities of the body compared to the icy waters closer to his home. Nearing his destination, Paul prepared himself to go about. The catamaran decelerated, started to turn, and as the breeze left the sails, he swung in. He released the sheets, unhooked his harness and ducked under the boom; re-hooked then waited for the heavy old yacht to complete its turn and re-engage the wind. The wind struck. He pulled in hard on the sheets and rode up on the hull as it climbed out of the water. Re-positioning himself he steered for the now distant bungalow, and with a few minor adjustments the familiar reassuring rippling noise of the water below told him all was set and sailing sweetly.
Halfway back across the lagoon, Paul thought he’d tempt fate a little. Having done so many times before, he slowly inched his feet forward along the upper hull toward the bow. This had the effect of moving his weight forward, causing the leading bottom hull to dip slightly under the water. It was a game they would play with each other. The crewman would ease forward teasing the yacht to nose dive. It was a game of cat and mouse. If his weight went to far forward the hull would instantly bury itself, diving nose first under the water. It would go deep unable to raise itself out. This brought about an instant cartwheel, the ‘cat’ diving deep, turning front end over, throwing off its commanders who’d be catapulted through the air, crashing into the water. When this happened it was another rush of exhilaration, this time indulging in the joy of being completely out of control. A wipe out as such with two, was easy to amend, but was more difficult with only one. To right the yacht from that position took a little longer and required a bit more effort. And there always seemed something final about seeing the ‘cat’ turn completely upside down, with the mast and sails pointing towards the sandy sea floor and the two hulls, like strange shaped buoys, marking its position. Paul played the game with himself, flirting with the danger of this potential outcome. How deep could he edge the hull under the water without it nose-diving and turning ‘turtle’?
He was nearing the end of his journey, having remained upright, and was feeling pleased with himself in his conquest of the elements. Mark, John, Willy and Saul were all standing in the shallows awaiting his return. They knew what he was doing and were joking amongst themselves as to whether he could last the distance, or would be thrown off. With beers in hand, none of them looked ready to swim out and help him if he did up-turn her!
He was heading straight for them. Time for one last burying of the hull, he thought, as he again inched forward. The lagoon was still relatively deep right up close to the beach. Usually he’d show off by arriving perfectly in tact, easing back and sailing the yacht gently up onto the sand. But not this time! Ah, what the hell! He might not be able to sail again before he left the island. He pulled harder on the sheets and took a big step forward committing himself to a spectacular arrival. There was no going back. He quickly flicked the sheets hoping to nucleate them; the hull dived deep. Paul prepared himself for his airy ascent and undignified landing. As he felt his feet begin to lift off the hull, he unhooked the harness clip as it slackened and made ready to be completely airborne. And up he went! With a final salute to his friends and seeing the smiles on their faces, he prepared to crash-dive into the water. But all was not right. Looking below he saw the ‘cat’ had turned. Unusual, occasionally it happened, and it presented a problem. His landing-pad was to be something quite a lot harder than water! The sail and mast had now crashed over and lay below him. He tensed himself ready for impact. Crunch! The others watching the spectacle unconsciously ducked down a little wincing in sympathy. They had all at one time or another been in a similar situation.
Paul crashed into the sails with a thud. Salty water splashed up in his face, then came the pain! His head throbbed with a heavy dull ache. Oh, shit! He thought, I’ve hit the mast! The thud resonated like a shock wave through his whole body. He tried to lift himself by pushing up off the mainsail, however it sank deeper into the water under his weight. The ‘cat’ was turning turtle. The pain in his head was now excruciating. He was beginning to feel nauseous. His whole body seemed so weak, and suddenly it wasn’t responding to his commands. He could feel the stability of the sail dropping out from underneath him, and knew he had to swim to keep his head above water but all his strength was quickly draining out of him. The buoyancy vest was useless. He couldn’t do anything. He felt utterly helpless. So tired. He thought he would just have to relax until his energy came back. Instinctively he took a deep gasp of breath and held it as his head slowly went under water. Blackness was closing in all around, his eyes still tightly closed from the pain. In a blur of confusion, he thought the air in his lungs would bob him on the surface giving him time until the others came to help, but he could still feel himself sinking, as if he was being pulled down by something in the water. A picture flashed into his head; his foot was caught in the mast rigging, and the mast was sinking! He was going down with it! He tried to kick his foot free, but he felt trapped in a nightmare of powerlessness! His lungs were aching for more air. He was trying with all his might to resist opening his mouth. In his head he was screaming out for help. Fear suddenly loomed up at him. Everything was so black, as if the end was near, and he felt himself fading from consciousness. The pain was all around and with no strength left, all he could do was surrender to it; it had complete control over him. So this is it! He thought, as he felt himself being consumed by it. Succumbing to the anaesthetic of death as it swept over him, his body suddenly felt warm and he no longer felt any fear. The darkness seemed somehow welcoming now, inviting him out of the pain. Saying good-bye to Sasha he accepted its invitation, surrendering further to its will. His mind spoke of its own accord, I am yours, I give in, I’m done for… it’s all over...!
DAY 1
So James, you'd like to speak with us about life after death? And why not? A subject that should interest you. Well now, is there life after death? There most certainly is. Hard as it might be to imagine or accept, there is. We live, we die, and we live again!
My name is Mark. I was Mark on Earth, and I'm still Mark here in spirit. I am a person, but we call ourselves spirits, the distinction being made because we're no longer of Earth. I live on one of the many spirit worlds, heavens, you might call them; and I have a body just as real as when I was living on Earth only made of a different substance – we call it a spirit body. And it's hard, just like my physical body was, not some airy fairy spirit body as some might imagine. On my world, there are trees and plants, rocks and rivers, even animals and creatures of all sorts; but they are unlike Earth's creatures and are made of the same spirit stuff as I am.
Strange to think of worlds in spirit being made as such? But what did you think it would be like over here? That we'd just be floating around in heaven, or sitting about on clouds with the angles playing beautiful music to us? Not so. We live in houses, we do all sorts of things, we have families and friends, we live like we did on Earth in many respects... but there are also many differences too.
I lived in Melbourne Australia, James, as you have been, until your move recently. I lived a hundred years ago. I lived in Brighton, and it was a lot different to what you know it to be. I was a store keeper, lived a humble life, a good life – that is, life was good to me. I had a lovely wife, four children, two horses, and plenty of chickens. I lived until I was seventy five, and then it happened. Nothing spectacular, I just died. I went to bed not suspecting a thing. I was still working, helping my two sons with our business; I was fit, had never had much to complain about so far as my health was concerned, and I woke up as usual, except there was one major difference – my wife was standing alongside my bed.
Oh did I get a pleasant surprise. I was so shocked. It was my dear wife Estelle standing by my bed-side. How could it be? She was dead! She had died five years earlier, and although I still missed her dreadfully, I had adjusted to life without her. And now here she was! Alive, my wife, living and breathing, Estelle! Oh what joy it was to see her again, to feel her soft warm hand on my forehead. I felt so good, so alive – such love. Feelings rushed up inside me, feelings I had not felt in a long time. I opened my mouth to ask her how could it be, but she said for me to lie still, to rest, that there was no rush and she would explain.
She explained that I was dead. Dead! That I had died in my sleep, and that my life on Earth was over. And that I had woken up after the 'sleep of death' and was now to live in a new world; one not unlike Earth in many ways, but also very different in other ways.
Dead! I can tell you James it was something of a shock. Had I not been dead, the shock would have killed me! But I wasn't dead. It was all very strange to say the least. I sure didn't feel dead – not that I know what feeling dead feels like; I felt very much alive. In fact I felt full of energy, a new vitality that I had forgotten about but which reminded me of my youth. I felt good, really, good – even happy. Yes, I felt very happy, something I hadn't felt in a long time. And I was so happy to see Estelle. I couldn't believe it. There she was, standing beside my bed, looking every bit as lovely as she did, looking younger than I last remembered her on Earth, but looking how I remembered her when we were both younger.
I can see her smile now, it warmed me to every dark corner of my heart. I couldn't do anything but lie there, smiling back at her. And then she laughed, and told me to get up, that there was nothing wrong with me, and that she had a lot she wanted to show me. She wanted to show me our new house, the new world I was to now live in. She was so excited, so eager, so I got out of bed, put on the clothes she'd provided for me, and she told me all about her new life and what we'd be doing together.
I loved our garden on Earth. We both loved gardening, growing our own vegetables, looking after the chooks, and she said that she had prepared a wonderful garden for me with all sorts of exotic vegetables for me to grow. She said she wanted to start our new life together with some things similar to my old one, so I would have time to settle in. She told me she had changed a lot, but she looked like and sounded like she hadn't changed a bit. She was to me still my dearly beloved Estelle, and that was all right by me.
Mark, did you have a feeling that you were going to die, any pain, any warning sign at the time?
No, nothing at all. Just bed as usual. Since Estelle's death I always had an ache in my heart, but that wasn't physical.
And in retrospect, can you see now that there were any warning signs?
No. Nothing James. I have looked for them, but nothing. I died of just plain old age, nothing more.
Not of a broken heart?
No. I was too tough for that. I wasn't a romantic. I hardly showed my feelings, not like I do now. I wasn't a very good companion feeling-wise for Estelle. Coming to spirit has opened my eyes to a lot about myself, and a lot I might add, that I'm not too happy to admit. But I have admitted it and that has made all the difference in our relationship, as it has flourished in our new life together.
I had a text book death, the one I think most people would wish for. And because of that I get to start off this book of yours James, because isn't that what everyone would want to hear, a nice story?
Probably. But that's not the destiny for most of us, is it?
No, as you will hear from other spirits who are going to write with you.
I will say however, that during that night, the night I died, I did have a nice-feeling dream. I dreamt that I was little and my mother came, and taking me by my hand – her hand was so warm – led me out into the most splendid field of purple flowering violets. I remember I didn't want to walk on them for fear of crushing and hurting them, but she said it would be all right, and so we walked together into the field and that gave me good feelings of 'everything is going to be all right'. I felt I could relax for the first time in my later life. I felt the pain of Estelle's death and my loneliness suddenly leaving me, as if it were being carried away on the slight breeze. And then I woke up, and there was my beautiful wife – a dream come true!
Did you also see your mother again?
Oh yes, she was there with my father; they were no longer married or living together, but both came to the arrival halls to meet me after my death and reawakening.
Mark, do you mind if we go back to your actual death experience before talking about such things as the arrival halls?
No, not at all James. We're doing this for you. You're curious about it, so you lead. Ask all the questions you want. We could just tell you a lot of stuff, but we'd rather answer your questions. It's better for all of us, and yourself, if our communication with you is done this way.
Why?
Because it then ensures that you are an active part in it. We can relate to you more directly, and it also makes it more interesting, more fun, more personal, rather than us just telling you a lot of facts and experiences you can't relate to.
Okay, I like the sound of that.
James, you've progressed far enough in your healing to require this, gone are the days of you just being the impassive note-taker. We need you to interact directly with us, as you need us to do so with you.
Why do you need me to?
So we can impart to your mind that which you want to know. If we can't relate directly to you, as in our having a casual conversation together, then it's too much like you sitting in the classroom at school and we being the teachers, something you don't want to re-experience – do you?
No. Never again.
So that's why we want you to speak your thoughts and feelings to us, and even though – such as we are doing now – we might get off the track somewhat, that doesn't matter either as this is for your growth and understanding, and there are other things you need to know about from us.
So you know what I need to know about?
Some things, yes. We have been given a mandate and strict guidelines as to what we can and can't say to you. We don't want to interfere in your spiritual growth, we don't want to tell you anything that is going to deny or limit or jeopardise any of your future experiences, even your own death.
And who gives you these guidelines?
All I can say for the time being is, higher spirits. We'll talk more about that with you later on if you like, but for now, I would suggest we get back to the subject at hand – death.
Very well.
So Mark, what was it like? Your 'waking up' experience – what did you feel?
I felt LIGHT. Not as in, not heavy, but as in LIGHT, the light that 'lights' all Creation.
How did you feel that? I'm not sure I know what you mean.
No, neither was I at first, but this has come to since. When I woke up, I just woke up, just as I woke up every morning. I would suddenly open my eyes, usually around dawn. Then I would become aware of the light coming in my bedroom window; then I'd hear the rooster and other bird noises. I never woke before sun-up, no matter how much old Jake was crowing. And then I'd get out of bed and on with my day.
This time however when I woke up, I became aware of, and actually felt, the LIGHT, the wonderful light that lights our spirit worlds. It's also present on Earth, but few people are aware of it, or actually feel it, as the suns light is so strong and that is all you've been conditioned to understand as light. The light of the sun lights the Earth, and Earth takes all it's nourishment from the sun, but does it really, does it really take it all? Perhaps there is another, far greater, unseen, and poorly understood LIGHT, that comes from an even brighter source than the sun.
Well that brings a lot more questions to my mind.
No doubt it does James, but back to the subject of dying and not dying.
So, as I was saying, I felt and experienced the LIGHT of spirit, and it was glorious. You get used to it very quickly, accepting and living with it as the suns substitute, but to contemplate it – where it actually comes from, and how it lights the spirit world, and all worlds, is... well... I'll leave you to think about that.
The LIGHT made me feel warm, secure – and loved. Yes, I felt incredibly loved, like nothing I had ever experienced before. But as I said, I wasn't exactly aware of these feelings at the time. I have since my death and reawakening become more aware of them, as I have become more aware of my feelings. I sadly denied myself a lot of feelings when on Earth. Being an unexpressive man, feelings weren't something that I enjoyed feeling as a part of my life.
In many books I've read about peoples visits into spirit, such as out of body experiences, near death experiences and astral travelling, the feeling of feeling loved is often written about . A great white light that is all but God itself, seems to fully engulf the person making them feel completely loved and that everything is all right – that everything is going to be all right. It takes all fear away making the person feel extremely happy, joyous, and loved the core of their being. Is that what you experienced Mark?
No, James, nothing that great or overwhelming. What you have read happened to those people for the experience they needed, but unfortunately it doesn't happen like that to us all. What I have told you is as I now look back at my arrival, looking back with much greater awareness. At the time I was not so aware so could not fully appreciate or experience the Light. For me back then it was more sublime, it was a very nice feeling, very warm and reassuring, loving. But had you asked me then how I felt, all I would have been able to tell you was good, perhaps very good, but with most of those good feelings coming as a result of seeing Estelle, and not from the Light.
What I am relating to you now is a deeper analysis of my feelings back then, something that I have gained since, but it's taken me many years working on myself; working to try and honour and accept and become aware of my feelings, to do so. If you can't feel, if you deny yourself feelings in any way, then you are denying yourself life experience. You simply can't gain the full benefit from any experience.
But surely you had feelings when you were alive on Earth?
Yes, of course I did, but just not to the extent or with the awareness that I do now, and that is the difference, and it's a huge difference in my life. When I look back on my life as to when I first arrived in spirit, as I have done in preparation for our writing together, then I can see just how closed off I was to my feelings. I did feel some feelings, but nothing compared to how I feel feelings now, and bad feelings in particular I tried to dismiss or overlook; and the pain in my heart from the loss of Estelle I just tried to ignore. It was always there, but I never tried to accept it or express it, and speak about all the terrible feelings I was feeling. Her loss was just a deep dull ache, an ever present pain, like a headache but in my heart that I just had to get on with. At times it was less, other times more, but now I know that all I felt, all I call that pain, was only the very edge of a lot of pain and lot of very bad feelings that were inside me, none of which I could nor wanted to experience.
That's understandable if you ask me.
Yes, so it might seem, and there are many like I was. You were like me. But in my new life and all with Estelle's help, I came to understand just how much I was limiting myself in life, how much life I was actually missing out on, and all because I was too afraid to feel the feelings that were inside me. I conditioned them by controlling them with my mind and its beliefs, keeping the lid on most of them. No way was all that pain, all that anguish, going to come out. No way could I let it all out. No way back then, but since then I have released it all. And in the releasing I have become a full person – a full spirit – my experiences are richer, and so I can look back on my reawakening experience and feel more about it. I heavily denied many of my feelings, and it's not good to do so. Apart from the feelings that were too strong and I couldn't keep suppressed with Estelle's death, I limited my feelings, thereby limiting all my relationships in life, especially with her.
So what you're saying is that all you are telling me about your death and the Light, is really all about your feelings – your inability to feel or allow yourself to feel them, and your healing of this inability since coming to spirit?
Yes. And it's very important, and will be what this book is really about.
Not about death, and waking up, and life in spirit?
No. A little of that, and a lot about feelings.
But a lot of people aren't interested too much in feelings.
I know, that's why we're going to be talking a lot about them, because as one finds out if one wants to spiritually grow – IT'S ALL ABOUT FEELINGS.
Okay, but first can we get back to the Light?
The Rejected Ones - channeled messages from Mary Magdalene and other Divine Love spirits.
Message 1
19/11/02)
Hello James. I am so pleased to be the first spirit to write to you. My name is Zelga and I’m a spirit from the ‘seventh heaven’. I want to speak with you, as there is something special I want to tell you. It is not generally known on Earth, but it is of great importance to us over here.
I, and other women spirits, want to write about truth: that which we know, but has been hidden from your world and is crucial to all mankind. We also want to write about the subject of women, as we are so maligned on Earth, and we want to do something about that. Compared to men we women have suffered a great deal and only rarely have we had a public voice in which to speak our truth. And, as you have gratefully given yourself over to our cause, I am very excited and eager to begin.
A lot of women I have known believe that the male way is the right way and they either busy themselves trying to do well in it, to be approved of by the man (their man or men in general), or they hope that somehow within it their plight will be recognized. And as I have now seen for myself upon my arrival in spirit, nothing much changes. Newly arrived women in spirit still tend to see things in the same way as they did on Earth, because the natural love spirit worlds are still highly dominated and controlled by men. Men can still have their cake and eat it when they come into spirit if that is what they want. There is no one to stand in their way, and for the most part this is what they do. The women spirits still behave in a very subservient manner, and when many of them realize that their secret dreams of a new freedom (in their life after death) are not materializing, despondent and feeling rejected, they find themselves still no better off than when they were on Earth.
Many women when they become spirits, and in particular those with some sort of religious interest, believe that their secret wishes will be fulfilled and they will get their reward for being so dutiful. A reward that they believed was not of the Earth, for it never came to them there, but one in which God will show them some kind of personal favour in the afterlife. Unfortunately however, this does not happen, they become very disillusioned. And it is very disconcerting. I know, because I was one of these women of whom I am speaking about. I secretly expected greater things in the afterlife. I longed to be rewarded; at least to receive some sort of praise for the tirelessness and uncomplaining way I served my husband, children and family.
I understand that many people who are aware of life in spirit have a notion that without the restrictions of a physical body great freedom and happiness comes to all, however that is not always the case. Certainly many spirits newly arrived in the spirit worlds do feel euphoric, being ‘free’ from the limitations of Earth, however such feelings, once one settles into their new life, can quickly dissipate. It usually requires a longer time and much hard work at self-improvement to gain the benefits of life as a spirit and the happiness that can bring. And it does involve a lot of hard work it; such happiness doesn’t just automatically come to us all. One doesn’t die and live happily ever after in paradise.
I grew up in a world, and by world I mean my own family ‘world’ on Earth, in which men were dominant; much more dominant than in some of Earth’s more liberated families now. The men were given the respect they believed they deserved as they had all the authority. My brothers, even though younger than I, were made to feel more important than I. They were told that they were the worthwhile ones of the family and the daughters were of less worth. And my grandfathers were given even more respect than my father and my brothers. My grandmother and mother were as I was: there to do everything for the men. The men had the ‘hard’ work for they had to earn a living to keep us all, while we kept them well fed and the house neat and tidy.
We were by some standards quite religious, which meant that we upheld the ‘beliefs’ as we understood them to be in the Bible. I myself became a mother and grandmother and carried on our family tradition.
I prayed to God – The Lord Jesus and Mother Mary for my salvation. I longed to be good in their eyes. I wanted them to love me and help me in my troubled times, and the fact that my hard times did seem to pass, and that I lived a reasonable length of live, I believed that they were answering my prayers.
Some of the men of my day believed a lot in religion, others not so much, and these men seemed happy to let the believers be more concerned with such things. But all the women, young and old, rigidly believed in upholding the sacraments and adhering to all the necessary rituals that meant an assurance of well-being. We, the women, all believed in an afterlife, consisting of being with Jesus and Mother Mary. It never occurred to any of us as to how Jesus might cope with so many women arriving daily into the spirit worlds all so desperately longing to be with him, completely ready and willing to give themselves totally to him. It was of course, all fantasy. It was our dream: to be able to serve our real master, the ‘manliest’ of all men. And even though we did love our husbands and stuck with them through thick and thin, secretly, Jesus was the one for us, and not only that, but we believed he was watching us in our every moment, judging us, and seeing how willing to please him we were.
I desperately worked long and hard in the hope that his ever watchful eye would see me, and that pleased with my toiling, he would love me. I so much wanted Jesus to love me. And I believed that if I had his love I would somehow be free. I of course, did not know anything else. Some of my friends as girls, daydreamed aloud of many wonderful things, some of which still make be blush to remember, however by the time we were all married and with families all thoughts of such things, if thought at all, were no longer said out loud.
It was, Jesus, one man-God in the universe of millions whom we were all really living for. And we all know now, at least those of us who are living a higher truth than that of which we were back then, that Jesus was really only symbolically our own fathers, an imaginary stand-in; an all-loving father that we so desperately longed for.
And James, since my time on Earth, nothing has really changed on it. As free as women may believe they are on Earth now due to women's liberation, still they are only longing for the love of their father. And unfortunately the father’s are not Jesus, for if they were living in his state of love, truth and light, we their daughters, would not be so longing for we would be fully satisfied with our dads.
It is of course the reverse for men and boys with their focus being more on finding the ultimate loving and accepting mother, and hence Mother Mary’s importance even though most men who believe such things probably wouldn’t admit it. And yet do you think that Jesus’ mother wants all the lost, lonely and scared men of your world – all men, to come into spirit and be with her for her to look after? It is a very severe demand to place on one woman (especially when she was only a mother such as I, and not of any saintly status), to be the mother to all men (and women). Jesus’ mother Mary could only cope with her own family let alone the countless millions of men and women that are daily calling out to her for forgiveness, her blessing, and her love.
Now looking at it, it is all completely absurd, but living it as many are still, and as I once did, there was nothing else. We were programmed to accept and honour such beliefs from early in our childhood. It was the society we grew up in and there simply was no other way. However, this is exactly what I the others here in spirit want to write about with you. We want to make it known and quite clear that there is something else! There is another way! And the whole thing is incredible for it is as yet unrevealed on Earth.
As you know, Jesus is like our older ‘brother-father’. He represents the love we wanted from our fathers but did not get. He inspires us through his loving care and helps us to get to know ourselves, but what about the feminine, the ‘sister-mother’, to us all? Does she exist, for surely it would be reasonable to assume we need both? And this is the first part of the wonderful truth we want to tell you about. She does exist! And she is very real and is the perfect partner to Jesus. Jesus has a partner, his soul–partner or soul-mate. And her name is Mary, but not Mary as in his mother, but Mary as in Mary Magdalene.
For me this truth came as quite a shock when I first heard it, however now it is the most wonderful thing. For with and ‘in’ Mary ‘M’, women spirits are given their full feminine status and have gained complete respect; and even more amazing, it is the women who are leading in the spiritual redemption of mankind! It is men who for the most part are keeping the Universal Rebellion and Planetary Default well and truly alive, but steadily, and with the help of some men, it is we women who are reclaiming the lost souls of humanity.
Women are more inwardly personal by nature (men more outwardly personal), but when men and women express themselves the wrong way they become impersonal, and it is this impersonal expression of men and women that keeps the balance of power with men. It is not a war of the sexes as it might seem, it's only that men and women being so impersonal and untrue to themselves are unable to relate freely, truly and loving with each other. Men and women are living away from their true natures and in this wayward and negative state are trying to be with each other. And this is what causes all the relationship problems between the two sexes. Men say they can never figure women (and it’s the same on the other side, although a lot of women secretly believe they have men figured) because they can’t figure themselves out. Both men and women are lost to the truth of themselves. Men and women are lost to their own impersonal delusion. We have all been created to be personal, and not to be so lost and controlled by the impersonal, however as you James are discovering, this is little known about and poorly understood.
Now, as for the other great truth we want to give you: is it not also reasonable to conclude that there may also be a partner for our Heavenly Father, a feminine personal expression of God? And there is! Our beloved Heavenly Mother. She is real and very loving and is the Perfect Soul Partner to our Heavenly Father. So to balance the scales, Mary Magdalene and our Heavenly Mother represent the missing hidden truth: the as yet, mostly unrevealed, Feminine Aspect of Truth. And the Truth embodied in them is what we all need so as to complete the picture for our souls survival.
This truth, of Mary and the Heavenly Mother, is widely known in the Divine Love spirit worlds. For within these worlds live spirits who desire and long to know, with all their hearts – THE TRUTH. Spirits in the worlds of only natural love: those who want to advance their minds and not their hearts or souls, have very little to no idea about such things. They are not interested in knowing the REAL and TRUE truth about Jesus and Mary and the Heavenly Mother and Father. A little understanding does get passed through to them but more by default than on purpose, and unfortunately the same happens to you on Earth with such little bits and pieces of truth quickly getting incorporated into false beliefs and used for the wrong purposes – by people living for self-fulfilment and self-gratification, rather than true loving service to our Heavenly Parents.
And it is largely because of this: the lack of any real truth in the spirit worlds of natural love, which results in much of the information from spirits that is passed to mortals, being of little value and unusable for the purpose of advancing or evolving ones soul. And having no real value for your soul it becomes only amusement for your mind. However, there is light on the horizon as the ONLY ‘TRUE’ truth, revealed by Jesus and the Divine Celestial spirits in the Padgett Messages, is making headway into your world. And along side this truth we wish to add ours – the feminine principle and expression of truth; through you to begin with, and with many more to follow.
When I first arrived in spirit I lived in the lower natural love spirit worlds. I still adhered to my religious beliefs praying to God as I was taught to do. When I found out about the offering of Divine Love to us by our Heavenly Parents, by our Heavenly Father AND MOTHER, and started to live in the Divine Love spirit worlds, gradually I started to heal all my erroneous beliefs. These I had learnt during my childhood. And as this happened, I became more and more in awe of the Father, Jesus and their united plan with the Mother and Mary for our redemption.
Mary is our beloved mistress alongside our beloved master Jesus. Mary is our beautiful loving ‘older’ sister, and the more we get to know her the more she astounds us with her sense of compassion, understanding and holy righteousness. She is very fair and liberal. She is a far cry from the women of Earth and yet a woman to aspire to be like. She is so committed to the Mother and Father that you feel Their presences beaming out of her. She and Jesus are the way to the personal; the most personal relationship with God we can have. And every time we listen to her we are uplifted in our souls and feel incredibly inspired to resume our longing to the Mother and Father for Their Divine Love.
I appreciate that it may be difficult for you to embrace such truth, as you have no one like Mary or Jesus in flesh to feel such inspiration from. However, you are well served by their Spirits of Truth, and they do make personal trips to the earth plane to encourage and comfort those who are striving to live the Truths of Divine Love, so you can still feel a deep love for them and sense feelings of love from them. I can’t tell you how magnificent Mary and Jesus are. They ARE the living truth. They ARE our spiritual mother and father, and if we sincerely want to live the truth of God’s Love, then all we need do is follow them.
James, I have now made a start to my introduction, and I am happy with our communication. I look forward to writing more about such things. Yours truly: Zelga.
Message 2
(20/11/02)
Hello again James, it's me – Zelga. I want to continue with my introduction. I want to speak more about the plight of women on Earth.
Women as yet have no one spiritual in whom they can look towards as a role model. And Jesus, as perfect as he is, is still not a woman. Women (and men) need a female spiritual role model. We need a balance, and until women get it, they will still believe they are secondary to men. Even the 'modern' women of today still have unconsciously buried within them such beliefs. The modern woman might believe she has more freedom being able to live more like a man, but all she is doing is covering up her feelings of unimportance deluding herself that she is gaining men’s respect. The modern day working-woman is leaving the family and her children increasingly in the hands of other people. She is being less responsible for herself as a woman. By increasing the rejection of her child, by trying to be more equal to the man, is I’m afraid, wrong. Anything that inflicts hurt, pain and suffering wilfully on another, is wrong. And she is wilfully doing it. The fact that she refuses to see the effects of her actions on her children does in no way excuse her from her wrong-doing.
Modern woman is desperately trying to escape the shackles of drudgery many of us had no choice but to accept, however that doesn’t mean that she is doing right by her children. I’m not saying the answer is for women to just give up wanting to go to work and be independent; all I am saying is that the rejection of one's child is what needs to be seriously considered. There is no way out of the problem as things stand, either way will penalize the child, for a child suffers just as much from being with parents who don’t want to stay at home all day with it, as it does from neglect and absence from working parents, both situations being a product of the negative and wrong state everyone is living. The only way to deal with the problem is to look to Mary and Jesus and the Mother and Father for help, and what I want to convey to you is a part of this help.
In truth, many of the old ways of doing things have in fact been more real and true, however, such things will only come back anew to those who choose to live the truth of our Heavenly Mother and Father’s Divine Love.
Within each woman is her soul of truth, and if she chooses to live true, then innately she will know how to be a woman and how to be a mother and how to be a grandmother – how to be her true self. And she will be able to know how to be these things as well as still being the free child of her Heavenly Parents. This should be, and one day will be, the aspiration of women. (And yes, the same is for men of course on the other side, but for now our intention with this book is for women. If men wish to read it they can draw for themselves the parallels they need, just as we women have had to this for ourselves for such a long time with only the man's point of view being acceptable).
Women are needed and are as vital in the Mother and Father’s creation as men. It is such a relief to finally be able to speak of the Mother in such a way. For so long we Divine Love spirits have only been allowed to refer to the Father when making reference to God with mortals or those in the lesser natural love spirit worlds. Previously, for planetary and universal reasons, such things have been necessary so that the Mother and Father’s Plan can be fulfilled. However, now for other such reasons, we can begin to balance the scales. We can now begin to openly speak to you on Earth about Mary and most importantly – our Heavenly Mother.
Humanity is so one sided. Can you imagine the full incorporation of the feminine aspect of truth? For so long only the male side of things has been available to souls seeking the truth, and with the other half missing causing such confusion. Imagine the Church if it were to fully accept the feminine side as a real and wonderful addition of truth. It would of course no longer be the Church, and wouldn’t that be a blessing!
Women for the most part are not seen as being interested in, or being able to be interested in, the truth and spiritual matters. It has been men’s business while the woman gets on with her area of life – raising the children. However, as I might inform you, the raising of children is not and should not be devoid of truth and spiritual understanding. (Nor should it be devoid of men!) It should in actuality be the focal point and wellspring of all truth, for it is within the womb of women that the new seed of truth is begun, nurtured, and brought into the world. It is sad to see that the truth of women is far more of a secret than that of men’s, and unfortunately, a secret to women themselves.
Women are a storehouse of truth. Men have long been freer to reveal their truth, although have failed to do so. Men by their nature can be more impersonal and this is proving to be their stumbling block. Men are living too far away from themselves and need to come back. But their trouble is that the truth they need to do this with lies within women. And so it is that the salvation of humanity and the healing of all souls will be brought about by women: women striving to live the truth and then helping men to see it from their perspective. This will bring about the balance for both to live equally together and to live finally, lives of love.
As you have discovered for yourself during your healing, James, it has been your mother whom has denied you her truth, as in her deluded condition she is not aware of such truth, and as a consequence she rejected you and pushed you away from her. You have been forced away from your true self, out further into the impersonal (as had your father by his mother), and too far for the good of your soul, so with Marion’s help you have been coming back. And Marion is the living example! She is for you ‘the way’, and your great struggle is to accept the truth and love from a woman when all you unconsciously believe, thanks to the negative and unloving influence of your mother and grandmother, is that all women hate you and will reject you. To accept your wife, while looking at her through the same eyes that only saw rejection from the first woman in your life, is your great struggle. And your life is thus far a testament to that struggle.
You felt powerless with your mother and grandmother and hence powerless with all women. You have sought women who you believe will only be nice to you as you so longed for your mother and grandmother to be. And when they are nice you have wrongly believed that you have gained power. So now to see you allowing yourself to truly be powerless with Marion; willingly allowing yourself to be powerless and not fighting to overcome it, all so she can help you to see the errors of your ways, has truly been an inspiration to us. Your struggle is representative of the struggle for all men. It will take a longing to be humble and a want to live with humility, that will enable men to help women come out of their prison, so women can help men to feel less scared of them.
The self-righteous modern woman of today is nothing more than a woman who believes that she has some support from her father, and that if she speaks up will not be humiliated by him. The world of men is currently tolerating such women, but as to how far they can push men, we wait to see.
Women have tried valiantly to live what they believe to be the truth. In the Christian families they have supported the Church and adhered to their understanding of the Bible with all their hearts; and in other religious families they have and are doing the same. However to them, and I am speaking generally, their hearts desire; their deepest longings for fulfilment, have been left wanting, their purpose of higher than being a mother, still yearning to be fulfilled. But now women will be able to go the whole way if they choose. With this new revelation and understanding women will be able to look towards themselves for such answers, no longer needing the approval of men to know that what they feel is right. They will be able to ‘seek within’ and they will find that they will be able to do it much easier than men.
Women simply lack the confidence to know that they can know, and know it all, for themselves. They can live perfectly with God without the Church and Bible (they both being men’s creation). They can live perfectly well with their Holy and Divine Mother and Father, and just as easily as any man can do. And they will also come to know that they have all the right and blessing from the Mother and Father to live as true to their soul as they want to. They can go into the realms of the personal with increasing confidence, and then demand that their man and men take real notice of them. In time we spirits can see that women will gain their independence through knowing their truth, and it will be women who will help men heal themselves of their problems, and in particular their sexual ones.
Women have been unjustly accused of a lot of wrong-doing. The Bible’s condemnation of Eve is bias and does not allow any room for the thought that the man – Adam, may have in fact been responsible for the default and not the woman. It will be brave men who are willing to re-look at all such beliefs objectively supporting the women’s view at the detriment of his own. The men’s club is very secluded, and many such men will think that all this is a lot of baloney, however long after such men come into the spirit worlds they will wish and long for the help of the very women they do despise.
Our Mother and Father are a soul-couple. Two who are of One Soul. And we are of Their image: woman and man. We are created to be together, as They are together. To be together forever, so the truth of soul mates is real – very real. And so it is: that for every woman there is a man and for every man a woman. For men and woman to believe that this is not so, and try to love only each other of the same sex, is sadly only a reflection of the inner torment they are suffering.
Men and women are destined to live, not only harmoniously together, but also completely and perfectly in love. And as women begin to liberate their truth, and it comes into the world bringing the balance so desperately needed, then men and women will both see that living with such love of and for each other is a possible reality; and something to live for, and to hold as the highest aspiration of life. Women and men as soul-mates are to become as our Mother and Father are: completely in love and at-one with each other. However, as we live now: completely unloving of each other, we have as a whole, a long way to go. And if you think this is untrue, wait until you start doing your soul-healing, revealing such truth to yourself.
We are meant to be as children, together with our Heavenly Parents. We are meant to serve each other and not to try to have power of one another. Most of this is known and many people long to live this way, and some even believe that they are, but until the focus in brought right back to the relationship, and the relationship only, it will not be achieved.
God, now consisting of our Mother and Father, is a relationship. They are Relationship. They are Soul with two distinct Personalities continually expressing love for one another. I know this concept may sound difficult to understand, however that is only the mind with its usual difficulty. For such truth is not to be understood with the mind. It is to be soul-perceived – felt, and just known. The mind need only then accept it, understanding the reality as required.
Men and women are in a very bad way James, far worse than anyone has been led to believe. The Mother and Father are allowing you - humanity - great freedom to express your disbelief in, and denial of, Them. And you will be allowed to go even a lot further living lives devoid of truth and love. The Earth is an incredible world. It is very unique in many ways, most of which are still unrevealed to you and will remain so for quite some time to come. It has a very large capacity to accommodate men and women who choose to live such irresponsible self-denying lives. It has the capacity, so I am told, to enable the outworking of the Rebellion and Default to a very high degree. And this of course was the reason why Mary and Jesus choose to have their Earthly or mortal incarnations on it.
However even amongst all this doom and gloom, the sun will keep shining, and the Sons and Daughters of God will keep coming. And so it is now that this new truth, being personal and solely concerning the individual person, is at hand.
Jesus came to re–reveal some of the truth of His Father as is written in the Padgett Messages, so as to further underpin and stop humanities descent into impersonal darkness. And with the mercy and goodness of his soul, he is reaching out to you offering some relief and hope to those who do long to live true. This glimmer of light is now available, and as it has helped you James and Marion so much, so too is it helping other people to begin to feel the Love of their true Heavenly Father. And now are going to add Mary's revelations.
James, I want to have a break now, so let us resume in a little while. Please rest for a time and continue when you feel you would like to.
Yes James, let’s continue. As I was saying, it warms our hearts to see that humanity is soon to take another step of truth, and all with the Mother and Father’s blessing.
With the revelation. as contained in the Urantia Book papers, concerning Creation and the universe of universes, the impersonal truth has now been extended quite considerably. And so now all that is needed is for a personal revelation to bring all men and women back to themselves.
Women by their nature are naturally ‘going in’. They receive the man from outside of them into themselves. They want to stay ‘home’, inside themselves and not leave, staying close to their feelings. And as they will find, that by staying true to their feelings, just as Marion is showing you, they will not leave themselves to become caught in the deluded world of male based falseness. They will loose the need for impressing the man and instead will be loved by men for being themselves. However, unless the man is equally willing to come back to himself and stay close to his feelings supporting the woman in hers, it will still be a very hard for her to stay true. Although we spirits are presenting a heavily feminine atmosphere through these messages, it will still take a woman and man to help each other achieve all we will be telling you. Men and women do need each other and that applies to ones soul and spiritual growth. There is only so much you can do by yourself, it can be relatively quite a lot, but at some point a relationship is required as the soul re-unites its two halves.
If you could see James how many women are ahead of their soul-partners in the Divine Love spirit worlds you would see the ease with which women can, with some help, set themselves free from their sinful and evil ways, and at the same time just how hard it is for so many men to merely begin to want to. And it all stems from the belief of men that they are basically superior and right, that their way is the right and only way; and the belief of women that their way is the wrong way, and they will try to do better: try to do as the man says. So when the woman discovers over here in spirit that she is no longer answerable to men, Jesus or God, in the way she fears and has been made to believe, suddenly she feels a great surge of liberation and immediately begins to see the light. But it is not so for so many poor and deluded men. It will and does take a very long time for them to begin to accept the truth that perhaps they might not be right after all. And even, with other higher male spirits help, including Jesus himself, it is still very hard for them to begin to break down all the erroneous beliefs and ways of behaving that constitute the power and dominant role.
For men to see and accept that they are not the all powerful ones is very difficult. Even the most powerless of men, still believes deep within him, even if he doesn’t feel so, that at least he is more powerful than a woman. And then, even deeper within himself, which makes his problem even more extreme and very confusing, he believes that even with all this so called power, he is subservient to women, for he had to be with his mother who dominated him. So within him, his mother is the real power and controller, and he feels completely powerless with her. Then as he has grown up, his father (and very often also his mother) together with his society and culture tell him he is the all-powerful dominant one, this belief coming over the top of his all-powerless belief and feelings. And so feeling so powerless with his mother through her actions when he is very young, it is now her words that are telling him that, none the less, he has to go out there and make her proud of him. So he lives in a very disjointed state, and the world you live in reflects this. Men are controlling the world, but are afraid of their mothers. Men are the all-powerful ones, but rule scared of women. So who really has the power? You only have to look at the Church to see what I mean. Why are men of the Church so afraid of women? And the answer is because if they allow women to have equal rights then they will have their power threatened, and if they were truly seeking a spiritual path to the Mother and Father they would have to yield to women, acknowledging and accepting that women are the true spiritual leaders – because we are.
Often the man is said to be the boss and leader within the family, the one with the power, however it's usually the mother that is left to get all the practical ‘looking after the children’ done, and so in the eyes of the growing child, who really has the power? This separation of power between the parents, with the emphasis on the man being the boss but with the woman controlling all that is really important, causes lots of confusion within the child, the child growing up with role models that don’t add up to what it sees and feels. And this all leads to the child feeling one thing but being told another, and so it has to believe what it is told at the expense and denial of what it feels. Such conflicting messages for a child have, as you are uncovering within yourself James, a detrimental affect on it.
We want to help you James in your endeavours to write about the truth as you have experienced it. We want to work along side your own writing, in the hope of forwarding more information and understanding to you and Marion. And now that you have firmly established for yourself the fact that life is about, and only about, relationships, we can come and be involved in your life. As I said, we are very grateful for you to give us this opportunity to share something of our lives and how we see the truth, with you.
James, simply call on us when you feel you would like us to speak to you some more. And until such time I want to thank you again, I’m enjoying our experience together even in this small way. Zelga.
Message 3
(2/12/02)
Hello James, I would like to speak to you today, Mary.
I am Mary of the Bible, as you know, and as I have not spoken to you for quite some time, and for the purposes of this work, I will begin with a formal introduction.
I am Mary Magdalene of the Bible, the one who was on Earth at the same time as Jesus of Nazareth. And, yes, we were on Earth; we are real; we did exist back then, and we do exist now living as spirits in the Celestial heavens. This might not be startling news, but what maybe of news is that I am the soul-mate of Jesus. It is I whom is responsible for the feminine aspect of our universal Son and Daughter-ship. I am the living feminine truth. You are familiar with Jesus and his Spirit as expressed in the Truth he has revealed to humanity, but unfamiliar with my Spirit and the Truth therein.
And so it is that I want you to continue writing this work for me James. Just as Mr. James Padgett wrote for Jesus, I would like you to write for me. And in doing so, it will greatly benefit you. I, together with other spirits, I have chosen will tell you the truth I want to reveal, and it will, as you will find out, make you feel a lot better about yourself and your life. I am the missing part of The Truth to make the whole. And as you are appreciating, it’s a much broader picture than what humanity currently understands. It is what humanity needs, the woman’s perspective, so to speak.
It will be hard for many people to understand that having devoted so much of their time, love and prayers to Jesus, in the hope they will be saved and thought well of, that they have been only dealing with half the picture causing their prayers to be ineffectual. As to why this has been allowed to be for all these years is a matter of concern only for the Mother and Father. It was They who asked us, Jesus and I, to live as we did and be as we were whilst on Earth, just as They ask us to be as we are now in the Spirit Heavens. On Earth, Jesus and I became aware of our true identities, however I was forbidden to reveal and be my true self. I played my role of self-denial as I steadily awakened to what the Mother and Father were asking of me, just as Jesus played his.
My focus with you will be to help show you how to uncover truth for yourself; how to look into your feelings and see what that they want to show you. How to concentrate on yourself – mind your own business – and become self-revealing. I want to guide you back to yourself so you will be able to see just how far away from yourself your parents took you. Your parents didn’t mind their own business and allow you to get on with your own life, they continually interfered with you, controlled, dominated, told you how to be, what to believe, how to think; they didn’t allow you to stay true to yourself. Your parents, James, caused you to loose yourself, to step away from yourself, to push yourself aside and be how they wanted you to be, and it wasn’t right. Consequently you have suffered, and it’s this suffering and what they did to you: how they caused it, that I want to help you see.
Jesus spoke of living the Will of his Heavenly Father, but to do this you must first live true to your will. Your own will must be in one piece; it must be able to function perfectly well. You must be able to do what you want to do when you want to do it. If you are doing so, then you can choose with your will, for you do literally will yourself to, live another's will, such as the Mother and Father’s.
As a child you were not allowed to live true. You were not allowed to express your will, to live and therefore be true, to your own wants. You were stopped, inhibited and interfered with in many ways all of which had the same result on you. You lost your power and gave it all to your parents. Your parents made you live their will. So what you now believe, but is unconscious within you, is your power, your ability to do the things you want to do, is all still only what your parents are allowing you to do. Unbeknown to you, you are still only living their wills, with yourself struggling for something to do for yourself in it. You weren’t conscious of this, so by the time you reached adulthood you believed you were now the full master of your own destiny, but the wind doesn’t always seem to blow when you want it to or blow and in the direction you want it go. And why? Because there is no real YOU in the picture. Your life is merely a ‘sub-life’ of theirs, and will be forever until you choose to – will yourself – to do something about it. And this is extremely difficult to do for how can YOU will yourself to heal your dysfunctional will when your will is only a poor composite of your parents? You’re pathetically trying to use your will in your life to get what you want, and yet all you are doing is living the will of two interfering people. And not only that, but they themselves are a mixed up composite of their parents wills. So in effect you are being parented by many wills: your parents and their parents effects on them, and then, if you go back even further, you’re being affected by even more wills, and when does it all end? There are generations of people, none of whom have not minded their own business, all coming together through your parents to interfere in your life thereby inhibiting the true functioning of your will.
So you can see you will need to heal and be healed of all of this, to somehow remove all these interfering negative influences. All their wrongness, which defines you now, is reflected in how you function in life, all having been sculptured around your will-controlling parents, and it needs to go. And where is all this wrongness; all this will dysfunction; all the negative effects of not living as a true whole wilfully free person? Contained within your soul. And what needs to happen is for you to rid your soul of such negative influences. You need to somehow divest yourself of all negativity and then you will be free. And true FREEDOM is just this: YOU ARE FREE TO LIVE YOUR OWN WILL. You are YOU, right through you into the depths of your soul, and so all that you want to do, and how and when you do it, you will know is, YOU. No one else will be consciously or unconsciously influencing you, and if they tried to do it, they would find it very difficult for the integrity of your soul, your own feelings, would first alert you their evil intention and you would want to make them stop. There is no other true freedom. A free soul, that being one living in a state of pure love, is free being completely empowered by its own will!
Your soul James (as are all souls) is existential. It is in a state of ‘Being’, in a reality that is devoid of anything else except personality potential. This ‘place’ or 'state' or 'reality' is not in Creation, however Creation is of it, is an expression of it – an expression of Soul. Soul creates Creation. If a soul needs or wants to express itself – its personality in Creation – it needs to do something. And the first thing it does for itself is create or manifest its own will in Creation. At a moment prior to your physical conception your soul has already started to manifest will, your will, that part of it – your personality – that’s called will. And with this will it is then ready to literally ‘will’ the rest of its – your – personality, into life. You and your soul are one and the same. You are currently consciously focused on living and perceiving and experiencing life through Creation as you – your soul – express your personality. Once your soul – you – has begun its incarnation, it forevermore continues to will you into Creation. You are always and ongoing expression of your soul’s personality. Without a will, an active part able to manifest in Creation, none of you would exist, not your spiritual or physical or thinking and feeling parts, nothing. So your will is very important and should anything interfere with it then that interference is going to have a negative affect on your souls ability to will you into life. When your parents imposed their wills on you, that imposition affected your will. It affected how you will yourself about in life: how you do things, how you express yourself, how to get what you want; how to live true to your feelings so you can use them to find or uncover the truth of your soul – the truth of you.
The Mother and Father are a Soul-Personality, and we have been created in Their image. They have created our soul and bestowed personality upon it. And being our Parents They want to get to know Their children, and so we need to have our wills functioning perfectly so we can relate to Them and They can relate to us. If however, your parents have interfered with your will, then you can’t relate to God as They want you to and as your soul longs to.
If you want to be as perfect as God is, then you will have to heal your will imperfection. If you want to live the Will of God, then you will have to heal your will dysfunction. If you want to live at-one with your Heavenly Mother and Father, then you will have to first become at-one with yourself healing all that is wrong in your relationship with your own parents. So long as you’re living in a negative will state you will NEVER be able to ascend in truth and arrive on Paradise and be with The Two, who are One, who created you.
As Jesus has revealed in the Padgett Messages, he and I were born on Earth in a perfect state of being. Unlike you, our wills remained perfect, our parents couldn’t negatively interfere with them. We could not be influenced by any evil, and even though we still had to maintain a purity of mind, this was not hard to do as we felt the truth with all the feeling of a complete un-interfered with will. However, the problem Jesus and I faced was we weren’t, owning to certain incarnation restrictions placed on us because of the Rebellion and Default, allowed to express our full wills, our full selves. Jesus could express himself more than I, as the male was more dominant, the woman more suppressed; and my life was reflective of that, being able to mostly only tend to the sick and poor. I couldn’t teach and reveal truths alongside Jesus as his equal. I could only help people in my humanness and not as a full Daughter of my Heavenly Mother and Father. My ‘time’, as I understood it when on Earth, was to be after I died and entered the lower Mansion worlds. Then I was able to fully reunite with Jesus and reveal the truth that I had within me: that God is my Heavenly Mother. Had I been able to reveal my truth to humanity when I was on Earth, then you would know from Jesus and I that God is both your Heavenly Mother and Father – the feminine and masculine aspects being fully expressed through Jesus and myself.
Strange as it may seem, but the truth of who I really am is not hard to keep from Earth or the natural love spirit worlds: mansions worlds 2, 4 and 6 as Jesus spoke of them to Mr. Padgett. Those in spirit who wanted to know, lived in the Divine Love mansion worlds 3, 5, 7 and above in the Celestial spheres (mansion world 1 being a mixture of both and the introductory world for Divine Love). The separation between Divine Love and only natural love maintaining something of a natural barrier preventing the spread of truth. So humanity on Earth has had to wait until now for a new and full presentation of the truth of myself. Of course many have suspected and speculated about me, but until I reveal my own personal soul nature, no one can know for sure. But now you can. Mr. Padgett was unable to accept and embrace me, as Jesus began his re-revealing of the Truths of Divine Love through him, and I am beginning my revealing through Marion and you, James.
It might be difficult to believe that no one wanted to know the Truths of Divine Love, but it is so. For two thousand years nothing changed. People might have been disgruntled with what the Church called truth, and many searched for meaning, but it was all from and with their minds and not their souls. James Padgett had a sincere soul longing to which Jesus was able to respond to. And you have had a deep soul longing for the feminine aspect of truth to which I am able to respond.
Jesus revealed through Mr. Padgett the truth that the Father is offering His Divine Love to you. I am revealing through you that both the Mother and Father are offering Their Divine Love to you. Jesus also revealed that upon partaking of this Love one can undergo a soul transformation into the New Birth; and I am revealing through you, that this inner transformation is called your Soul-Healing. And it is something that you have to consciously make an effort to do. You have to willingly choose to do it; and in doing so will eventually heal all your will of imperfection – all of the negative you were forced to accept from your parents. And together Jesus and I will tell you that it is by longing for and wanting to live true to yourself: true to your feelings, that you will uncover the truth of your negative will state and heal it. And when you are healed, you will be free to live as Jesus and I do: perfect in our Divine Love souls – as Celestial spirits living in the Celestial spheres.
Humanity has fallen from Grace. It hasn’t consciously or willingly rebelled against the Mother and Father but has rejected Them by default. This has led to the negative will state being passed on by default from one generation to another. The result is you are very confused and lost, living with little truth or real understanding about the spiritual nature of things. You have fallen the equivalent of the seven mansion worlds, so to heal yourself back to perfection, you have a long road ahead as you ascend your way in truth back up them. Your soul-healing will be very testing as you uncover the truth of all your negative will. However, humanity is now longing for such truth, and so the way is being presented for those who want to take up the challenge. Now is the time, Jesus and I are revealing to you that which you need to understand to help you; that which will answer and appeal to a sincere heart and soul longing for love and truth.
I feel that is probably enough for the time being James. I will now leave you. Mary Magdalene, ‘Sister to all sisters, and soul-mate of Jesus.
Contents
Introduction.
Part I
The Problem – denying our bad feelings.
1). Denial.
2). Feelings – your bad feelings.
3). Examples of bad feeling denial.
4). What are you denying when you deny your bad feelings?
5). Why are you denying bad feelings?
6). Health denial.
7). Mind denial.
8). Relationships.
9). The purpose of feeling bad.
10). Religion – The Great Cover Up.
11). The Great Tragedy.
12). Feeling bad is GOOD! It's okay to feel bad.
Part II
Why do we deny our bad feelings? How did it all come about?
13). Childhood patterns.
14). Childhood Repression.
15). Parents.
Part III
What can we do about the problem of denying our bad feelings?
16). Two ways to live life.
17). Truth.
18). Self-Revealing.
19). Life truth; Spirit truth; Soul truth.
20). Growing in truth – where is it going to take you?
21). How do you parent properly – lovingly; and live the truth?
Part IV
How to heal the causes of your bad feelings.
22). Awareness. Becoming aware of how you feel.
23). Acceptance. Allow yourself to BE your bad feelings.
24).Taking action – expressing your bad feelings.
25). Needing a friend.
26). How do you accept and express your bad feelings. Some examples.
Part V
Addiction, Pets, Sympathy, Expectations, Taking on your parents, and Saying No!
27). Addiction.
28). Healing addiction.
29). Pets.
30). Sympathy.
31). Expectations.
32). Taking your parents on.
33). Saying No!
34). Bad thoughts are GOOD too!
35). The end result, where to from here?
End.
It was weird. 8.30pm and my boss and owner of a retail aquarium had phoned urgently wanting me to come back to the shop. I’d left it two hours ago at the end of a normal days work. He wouldn’t tell me over the phone what was wrong; he’d tell me when I got there.
As I drove into the aquarium car park the owner was standing outside speaking to police. As I walked up to him the police left and he explained to me that his home had been broken into and some important financial documents that he’d kept in a safe had been stolen. He seemed odd, shaky and nervous, and the more he told me the less of what he said made sense. He was something of a demigod at the best of times needing his little power world, and was always worried the staff were ripping him off. We’d all just gone through a hellish few months where his paranoia had hit an all time high resulting in his daily accusal of us thieving from him. Thieving wasn’t part of my job ethic, and the ways he accused me of robbing him opened my eyes to seemingly endless possibilities of how to do it. I’d never thought like that and constantly being accused of being a thief was getting to me. Why didn’t I just leave – why was I still there? That too hadn’t crossed my mind. I liked the job and the owner’s little fits of paranoia I believed was a part of what went with the job, it was what bosses were like and something not to be taken seriously; something to be ignored until he got over it and everything came back to normal. But it was upsetting all the same, and all the staff were feeling the pressure.
He took me into his office past all the sleeping fish in their darkened tanks. He continued to elaborate on his story about what had happened as I waited to see how it affected me and why he’d called me (an no other staff members) back to the shop. And then the final blow came. He was dismissing me – sacking me – because the robbery meant that his wife would have to come into the shop and take over my job – he could no longer afford to pay me. He told me to come back the next day and pick up my outstanding pay, and that was it, nothing else, not even thanks for all the good work I'd done over the past four years.
When I returned home Marion asked me what happened? I told her he’d sacked me. She asked me why and I told her his story. I told her what I understood it to be, and the more she asked questions about it the more apparent it became that things didn’t add up. She said I should confront him on these things, and sort out what was what, and what really was going on. But I didn’t want to. What was the point, it sounded like the whole story was an elaborated plan designed to enable him to dismiss me without my suing him for unfair work dismissal, which one of the other ex-employees was doing. He’d told me he had friends in the police force so it would have been easy to call them on some pretence just to add weight to his show. I didn’t believe what he said about the robbery because over the years I’d come to disbelieve everything he said. He was a habitual liar, lying to the customers whilst looking in their eyes greedily assessing how much money he could extract from them. But then again, for once he might have been genuine about the robbery – but he would never tell me the truth one way or the other and I’d never know. I had to simply accept the truth I was faced with, he no longer wanted to employ me and that was that.
Then Marion asked me how I felt about what had happened? And I didn’t know. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. I loved working at the aquarium when I first began. I loved learning how to look after the fish properly, and the owner did know how to do that. It was a childhood dream come true, but things had deteriorated with our relationship and I hadn’t faced it.
How did I feel? How did I feel? I didn’t know. Have you ever been asked that question and not know the answer? I always thought I did know how I felt about things, but then again, I don’t think anyone had ever seriously asked me that question. Some of the customers who’d I’d become friendly with would ask me how I was, and how things were going, and I’d ask them, but it was never a serious: I’m really wanting to know, let’s stop what we’re doing and talk about it. It was just an pleasantry to acknowledge that our relationship was friendlier than the usual impersonal customer/staff relationship.
It felt strange not knowing what to say to Marion. I was feeling very shaken up, shocked, suddenly my life was in upheaval, change being forced on me. I was now unemployed and had to do something about that. I wasn’t going back to the aquarium as usual. It was over – finished, and now what was I going to do? My mind was reeling. But I was also somewhat relieved it was over. I wouldn’t have to suffer his accusations of being a thief and working in an environment with a nutter who always seemed heading for a nervous breakdown. But how did I feel?
It’s easy to write these words looking back with hindsight, now knowing more about my feelings and myself. But back then I had to admit that I didn’t know how I was feeling – I really didn’t. I was stunned, my mind was whirling, but as to my feelings…
Marion kept pushing me as to how was I feeling. ‘Don’t you feel angry? Don’t you feel upset? Don’t you feel badly treated and that you deserve a proper explanation, and to be treated like a mature adult? How do you feel? Do you feel scared because of not knowing what you’re going to do now? Do you feel shocked? I know if it was me, I’d feel very bad; very bad that he didn’t respect me enough, that he had to lie to me, and that it had happened. You must feel bad – how do you feel?’
But I didn’t know. I could agree with everything she said when she said it; I could feel that I did feel those things, but for myself by myself I couldn’t work out my feelings. I couldn’t separate the confused mess swirling around inside me. I couldn’t stop my mind formulating a new plan about what I was now going to do and staying focused on how I felt. I didn’t want to know how I felt. I simply wanted to push the shock and confusion aside replacing it with new plans for my future. I simply wanted to deal with it, and get over it, and get on with it. I didn’t want to dwell on feeling bad. I had been sacked, one part of my life had abruptly ended and now I had to quickly figure out what to do. I had a problem and I had to resolve it – with my mind. I’d start by registering for unemployment benefits while I worked out if I did want to try and get work in another aquarium none of which were as good or big as the one I’d just been retrenched from.
So my feelings were of little consequence. I new my inner confusion and stress would settle down once my mind had worked out what I was going to do next. It wasn’t the end of the world. I had enough money for a few months to think about things; it was just one of life’s difficulties I had to deal with. It happens to people everyday, and you just have to work it out – work your way through it, so that is what I did. And the sooner I could sort things out with my mind the better because all my bad feelings, those strange things going on inside me that I didn’t understand, that whirling mess of confusion, would go. I wanted stability and security; I didn’t want the upheaval of bad feelings.
My getting sacked from the aquarium turned out to be a major turning point in my life. With Marion’s questioning it became obvious to both of us that I was very shut off from my feelings. We’d been living together for a while and were both on something of a spiritual quest wanting to find the truth of ourselves and what it – life – was all about, and so my sudden exposure of being in denial of my feelings had a great impact on me. How could I be the whole person, the real and true me that I was wanting to be, when a huge part of me refused to know about feelings? About my feelings – how I feel!
My life had handed me the perfect opportunity for me to experience many feelings, and particularly bad feelings, but all I could manage to do what act like a stunned mullet blubbering about nothing whilst trying to assert my mind to take control and make everything better. I denied myself the opportunity to get to know myself a little better through my feelings. I wanted to bury the experience, write it off as a bad one and something I didn’t want to think about. I denied my anger and feelings of being hurt and rejected. I picked up my pay the next day, the owner signed the reference he’d asked me to write about myself, and it was over.
I live in denial of my bad feelings. I do all I can to block them out, to stop them from making me feel bad. I feel bad, yet I pretend to the world and myself I don’t. I actively, and at times forcibly, deny myself my feelings. I selectively allow only a few to come up in me, and only good ones. I have a huge problem. No wonder my life doesn’t work the way I want it to. How can it when I won’t allow myself to be the full me, free to express all I feel. I’m only a part person – I’m living in denial of large parts of myself, and yet I am not alone in my feeling denial.
We all do it. You do it, I do it, and we do it everyday. We do it personally and impersonally. Things come up during the day that makes us feel bad and we deny our bad feelings. We do all we can to get rid of them, to make them go away. We do it individually and collectively as a society. The whole of humanity goes it. We all deny our bad feelings to a lesser or greater extent. And we wonder what’s wrong with ourselves, and what’s wrong with the world. We wonder why we get sick, and why we can’t live peacefully together, and yet the answer is simple: How can we when we live denying ourselves our bad feelings? How can we live happily and lovingly when we don’t even accept all that we are – all that we feel? We so desperately long to be happy and to feel loved, doing all sorts of things in the mistaken belief that the doing of the things will make us happy, when inside ourselves we are doing something to ourself that’s making us unhappy. We deny feelings. And denying feelings doesn't make you feel happy – even though for the most part, we pretend it does. How can we possibly feel happy, good and full of life when we’re denying a large part of ourself? Our bad feeling self.
If you are seeking the elusive: true happiness and true love, you will never find it until you first stop denying yourself; until you first stop being unloving to yourself making yourself unhappy. Living in denial of your feelings can only make you feel bad, not good, and until you stop denying your feelings; until you stop and start to live true to how you really do feel; and until you start to accept yourself for being the way you are, you’ll only have to pretend you’re feeling good. If you are denying your bad feelings, denying you feel bad and yet saying to yourself and others that you feel good, you are only pretending to feel good. And much of what we believe or think is a good feeling is not. It’s something we’ve created for ourselves to make us wrongly believe we are feeling good, all so we don’t feel how we’re actually feeling – bad. We go to great lengths to cover up our bad feelings glossing over the top of them with ‘good’ feelings, but it’s all false; it’s all unreal; all make believe, and all a delusion and a lie. We are living deluding ourselves that we don’t feel bad, and yet we do feel bad. And how bad you really do will feel you will only discover when you decide that you no longer want to live in denial of any part of yourself.
Living denying any part of you is not how you’re designed to live. It’s self-destructive, it’s working against yourself, stopping the natural you from flowing forth stepping out into the wonder of life and allowing life to take you where it will. It’s stopping you from feeling truly good. It’s stopping you from being a whole person.
Living in denial of yourself is a chronic problem I, you, we all have. And it’s something few people want to do anything about. Throughout all humanity’s history blindly people have been labouring on trapped within their feeling self-denial – denial of feeling bad. And so you are too. And nothing personally for you is going to change for the better until you make friends with yourself. Until you stop and come back to yourself and start to acknowledge and accept and fully honour that you do feel bad, and that your bad feelings are good. And that you have them because they are trying to tell you something. And by listening to them you will come to understand the truth of yourself – what’s really going on within you; who you really are, and what you’re really all about.
If you wonder why your life doesn’t work, or why you get sick, or why bad things happen to you, or why you can’t be happy and full of love, the answer is simple: it’s all because you are living denying a part of yourself; living denying your bad feelings.
(22/2/03)
Good morning James. I am here, Jesus.
Mary and I do want you to write for us. In answer to your feelings over the past few days we intend giving you some messages.
We want to tell you more about our lives on Earth, what happened when we arrived in spirit, what we’ve been doing over these past two thousand years, and a little about what we’ll be doing in future.
As we have told you, but will explain in more detail, our time in a personal sense with humanity is coming to an end. We are giving over our personal involvement to others, and because of this, we want to leave humanity (and you) with a truer impression of ourselves. Our Spirits of Truth will still be overseeing peoples ascent in truth, and within them our personalities will be felt and perceived, but for the individual to readily identify with our Spirits, we want to tell you more about ourselves.
Up until relatively recently, until my speaking to Mr Padgett and Mary speaking with you, all one has had concerning Mary and I is what is written in the Bible and what feelings that generates. We are tainted by its persuasion, making us more appealing to some, less to others. So through you, we want to try and give something of ourselves that is a truer expression, even though we are still limited by your personality and this form of communication, however, as you have grown in truth we feel that at least we will be able to share enough of ourselves with you to shed more light on our true natures. All we want you to do is write that which comes to your mind, and if at any time you feel yourself coming up against difficulty then tell us. And any time you want further information, or want us to explain things more clearly, please ask us. We will be monitoring your thoughts and feelings, and as you well know there is more to your writing with us than you merely taking dictation. All we will be saying and our impact on communicating with you, will help you with your soul-healing, and developing your true relationship with yourself, with Marion, and with your Heavenly Mother and Father.
For the purposes of those who might not know, Mary Magdalene is my soul-mate. She is my partner in Creation, as I am hers. Together we are as one: the true Master and Mistress of our Universe in which you all live. I do not stand alone as many would believe. I do not live without personal intimate company. I do not live only with the Father, or even with the Holy Spirit or the Divine Minister. I need, as you do, a personal face-to-face partner, one who is like me, but not like me. One who is there for me and loves me, and wants me to be all that I am, and all that I will be, and all that my Heavenly Parents want me to be. I am not without personal intimate feelings. I am not so far removed from you that I am a God. I am separate from the Father – a separate personality in my own right. I am a Creator Son (re: The Urantia Book) who in partner with a Creator Daughter govern one local universe of time and space. I was a man, and in many respects I will always be only a man. And as a man I do need a woman, and the Mother and Father have created my soul like yours in duality, with my other half being Mary.
Mary Magdalene is mostly thought of as a prostitute, a woman of ill repute, who came to me during my personal ministry on Earth asking me for my blessing, and for me to cast her demons out. But this is not true. It couldn't be further from the truth. So why then is it continually believed by so many people who purport to worship and love me, saying they are striving to live the truths I revealed? Mary wasn’t a prostitute. It’s only a story adapted by certain people who sort power over others. And still used by others who want power over other people. How dare they use her this way! The very same people who say they are righteous and good, and living the word and will of God.
On Earth I knew who Mary was, the Father told me; and when I met her I could feel the truth in my heart, just as I still do. She came and embraced me as a loving disciple whom I openly welcomed into my life. I told her of her true souls relationship to me and of the restrictive conditions we both faced imposed by the Rebellion and Default, and she openly accepted all I had to say living her part in our relationship together on Earth, patiently waiting until we could be reunited as one in spirit. Now we live and function together as the rightful leaders of our Universe, with the interests of all creatures in our hearts. We love you all, and long for you to all love us. And most of all we love each other and our Mother and Father of Heaven. Perhaps one day we can all be united in love from Them, from the Two who are One Soul, the Two of Heaven who created us all and dearly love us. Perhaps one day we’ll all be able to come together united under Their Divine Love, loving one another.
Had Mary been able to fully live and express her Daughtership on Earth, she would have revealed the Heavenly Mother of Creation to you all. This she did when she rose up in Spirit after she came into the mansion worlds, and this she does now, and has done since she poured forth her Spirit of Truth upon fully coming into her self-realised condition of soul. Together we are the true living mother and father of truth to our Universe. We are in effect your true spiritual parents. And as I said, we are soon going to move back to Salvington, our true Universal home and headquarters, and resume complete universal ministration. This will mean that we will no longer be spending so much time here concerned personally with the ascension of mortals and their progress through the mansion worlds as they embrace the Mother and Father’s Divine Love and strive to do their soul-healing. We will not be so visible and accessible to all, however our Spirits so Truth will remain for you to know us by, and to comfort you with truth when you are in need.
Let us finish our introduction here James and we will continue later.
Jesus, Master Son of Nebadon.
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